New date!

Last week I got given my new date! I was so exhausted that day, I was a bit concerned that I wouldn't even remember the phone call later. All this stress truly takes its toll on the body. I ended up having a really early night and sleeping pretty solidly (was starting to get a migraine from the exhaustion too, so I really needed that sleep). Anyway, my surgery will now be next week so there isn't toooooo long left to wait. It does feel like it drags on a bit at times though.

While I was in limbo, the hospital said to go back on normal (but healthy) food rather than the optifast pre-op diet. I think that was mostly because they felt bad for me having to do the pre-op for so long. Anyway, I mostly ate chicken based meals but still had my optifast shakes for breakfast. I found that even this was stressful though, was I eating too much? Was it too high in fat/carbs? Will my liver stay small? Today i'm back on optifast properly though due to the upcoming surgery so in theory everything will be fine. I didn't gain any weight while on normal food, but I didn't lose any either.

I don't feel as though my surgical journey has been a typical one. I know no two are ever the same, but how many other people get postponed twice? (hardly any, if not none - there is a one bump policy from what I can gather!) I know in the long run this will barely even be a blip on the radar but right now it's everything. It's almost always on my mind (i'm getting into makeup at the moment so that's a nice distraction) and everything that happens now gets analysed (my husband sneezed! Is he sick? Will I get sick? Will it postpone surgery again???). It's no wonder I'm so tired!

The plan is to try make notes while i'm in hospital to form some kind of jumbled blog post with afterwards but from what I can gather I'll be pretty tired so i'm not making any promises with that one.

To be continued....

Well my surgery was meant to be today. I got a phone call two days ago saying it needed to be postponed due to bereavement leave. Needless to say, I was devastated. I think I cried for a few hours and then was still pretty depressed the next day. I'm a bit better today but I just don't really was to talk about it to anyway. Which leads me to my next point...

It turns out that when you go "public" about your upcoming surgery, it becomes everyone's business. And I mean EVERYONE. My husband is on repeat at work "it's been postponed, no new date yet".  I'm getting phonecalls, messages etc from everyone which range from "that sucks!" to "well at least it's not YOUR family member who died" (really? Is that helpful??), and then there are the people who are annoyed because I somehow messed up their weekend plans by not having the surgery (um, sorry, I'll try harder next time...). It's becoming almost like the surgery isn't about or for me anymore, it's about everyone else. And that's a really bizarre thought to try wrap my head around. 

When I get my new date (and I don't even know when I will be told the new date) I'm going to try tell as few people as possible this time, because really the only people that NEED to know is my husband, my parents, and obviously myself. 

It's a strange journey that I'm on. It's a hard journey, but I'm getting there. 

The final countdown...

Well, the past 6 months have both gone very slow yet very fast at the same time. I reached my weight loss target set by my surgeon, and got on the list. Surgery was scheduled for 5th February but then it had to be postponed due to a high number of acutely unwell patients. It's now scheduled for this week so my time is being spent packing bags, shaving legs (because priorities), making lists etc etc.

Oddly, I'm not nervous about the surgery. I am nervous about the enema they'll be giving me beforehand though (again, priorities. I have them). I know in the grand scheme of things an enema is nothing, but it's still a nothing that I'd rather avoid!

I also "came out" to my extended family and friends over facebook about the surgery approx 4 weeks ago. It went well, no negative comments (or at least none that I know of). It was a bit of a concern because there is a bit of a "fattist" culture in New Zealand. People like to say that you've brought your obesity upon yourself therefore you should diet and exercise to fix it or pay for the surgery yourself rather than spending "their" taxpayer dollars on a public funded surgery. I think I've ranted about this before so i'll keep it brief. First, the statistics for morbidly obese people successfully losing large amounts of weight (via diet and exercise) and keeping it off for a significant length of time (without surgery) is dismal. It would actually be depressing if I wasn't already having surgery. Secondly, obese people pay tax too, why shouldn't they be allowed surgery? Anyway, moving on.

The only other obstacle in my way (which I can't do anything about) is that due to previous surgery I might have scarring in my small intestine which could hinder the surgery. Hopefully there is none, or very minimal so that the surgery can still be done keyhole but otherwise the surgeon might have to open me up and fix that as he goes along. If it's really severe then he might not be able to do that part of the surgery at all, in which case I'd be left with a gastric sleeve rather than the duodenal switch. Time will tell soon enough though.

I probably won't be able to update for another week or so depending on how long they keep me in hospital etc. So, until next time....